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  “Let’s get this done, so we can take care of the important stuff,” she said, her voice still rough with emotion.

  Numbly, Dylan went through his end-of-day routine. Rae kept shooting him concerned glances, but she didn’t say anything more about his sister.

  “I only have one more route to process,” Rae said when they’d finished. “Do you want me to come with you to pick up Jayden, or do you want to tell him later?”

  “I think it’d be better if we tell him at home.” Dylan rubbed his temples, his head throbbing. He couldn’t shake the sense that he was in a bizarre dream and would wake at any moment. “Even though I’ve been preparing for this, I can’t believe it’s happened.”

  “Just tell me whatever you need.” Rae covered his hand with hers. Her voice warbled as she said, “I do understand.”

  “I know you do.” Dylan threaded his fingers with hers, worried for her. “This is bringing back too many memories, isn’t it?”

  Her chin trembled, and she blinked her eyes rapidly. “The one-year anniversary of Mike’s death is in a few days. I’ve already been a little emotional because of that, but I really want to be here for you.”

  “Thank you.” Once again Dylan had to fight the inclination to kiss her. He released her hand and stood. “How about I pick up Jayden and get some pizza to bring to your place? Once Preston and Beth are in bed, we can break the news to Jayden.”

  “All right. I’ll make a salad.”

  “My father’s going to call tonight to talk about the funeral. I think I’ll text him to do it late tonight.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  Dylan turned and left the office with a heavy heart.

  Rae had a powerful sense of déjà vu as she stood with Dylan. It was even the same cemetery where Mike was buried. Rae had brought flowers for her and the children to put on his grave before they left. Her heart swelled at the sight of Beth and Preston holding Jayden’s hands as they watched his mother’s coffin.

  Dylan had commented on how emotional his father had been while working on the funeral preparations. The man was holding himself responsible, and it appeared to be tearing him apart. She wondered if it would change him from the cold man he’d been.

  When the service was over, Nora’s coffin was lowered into the grave. Dylan, who’d been holding her hand the whole time, made a convulsive movement. Rae moved closer to him, and he put an arm around her, squeezing her tighter than was comfortable. Understanding, she said nothing. The mourners gave their final condolences and left.

  “I need to talk with you, son,” Mr. Rademaker said.

  “I’ll take the children to Mike’s grave.” Rae stepped back.

  “I wanted to be with you for that.” Dylan glanced at his father.

  “I won’t be long, and you can join her.” Mr. Rademaker extended a hand to Rae. “I appreciate the support you’ve been to my son and grandson.”

  “That’s what family is for,” she said, her eyes brimming. Sniffing, she stepped back. “Come on kids. Let’s get the flowers from the car.”

  Dylan’s father waited until they were out of earshot before he turned to face him.

  “I’ve been wrong. I’m sorry. It appears Nora’s death might not have been a simple overdose. This came to me in the mail two days after she died.” He handed Dylan an envelope.

  Tentatively, he took it, not sure he wanted to read it. Would his sister’s final words be full of accusations? He glanced at his father, struck again by the gaunt, hollow look to his face. He nodded, and Dylan took out the piece of paper.

  Father, I’m sorry I was never the daughter you wanted. I did try but everything I did went wrong and disappointed you more instead. Jayden is the only thing I’ve done right in my life, and you even think he’s a mistake. You’re wrong. Please don’t punish him for my mistakes. At least he has Dylan.

  It was signed Nora. While not exactly a suicide note, his sister had known her end was near. He was glad his father had kept it to himself until now. Dylan didn’t know what to say, so he folded up the note and slid it back into the envelope.

  He didn’t want to give it back. Someday, when Jayden was much older, he might like to know how his mother had felt about him. Dylan wished it wasn’t mixed with condemnation of their father in the same sentence.

  “She’s right, you know, about Jayden. He’s a great kid.”

  “I’m releasing your trust fund to you,” his father said, watching as the cemetery workers filled the grave with dirt. “Feel free to buy your pest control company. I don’t want to ruin your life too.”

  Dylan scowled at the bitter tone in his father’s voice. He’d admitted he was wrong, but it didn’t feel like he’d taken accountability.

  “You can’t ruin my life because I won’t let you. I’ve never been as vulnerable as Nora. I hope you’ll try harder to connect with your only grandchild.” Dylan swallowed and forced his voice to remain calm as he said, “Do you mind if I keep the note for Jayden?”

  His father looked at Dylan for the first time, a crease between his brows. “I don’t want him to think badly of me.”

  “I have no idea if I’ll ever show it to him, but he’s had both of his parents abandon him. It might be good for Jayden sometime in the future to know how much his mother loved him.” Dylan gave his father a sad smile. “It’s your choice whether or not you want to give him happy memories of you to counter what’s written in the note. Now I need to go be with Rae. Today’s the one-year anniversary of her husband’s death.” He hesitated but then gave his father a quick hug and strode away.

  Mike Cavanaugh’s grave was on the other side of the cemetery. Dylan had gone with Rae once a month for nearly a year, so he knew exactly where to go. He spotted Beth first who was chasing a butterfly in the grass while the Littles looked to be playing a game of tag.

  “You three be respectful.” Dylan approached Rae, who knelt before the grave, her hands clasped on her lap. She glanced up at him, her eyes glistening.

  He knelt beside her, and she reached out a cold hand to grasp his. What was she feeling? He expected Rae to sob like she had the first few times he’d accompanied her here. She didn’t, only a few tears slowly running down her cheeks.

  “He was a good man,” she said. “I was devastated when he was taken from us. At first, I didn’t know how I could go on. If it hadn’t been for the children, it’d have been easy to surrender to my grief, let it swallow me up.” Sniffing, she glanced at Dylan. “And then you and Jayden came into our lives. I don’t know if you have any idea how much you’ve helped me get through this year. The two of you needed us as much as we needed you, I think.”

  “We did, believe me.” Dylan brought her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on it. “You’ve been like the mother Jayden has needed, and Beth and Preston have been the brother and sister he’s always wanted.”

  “And you’ve been like a father to my children and a pillar of strength for me. Thank you.”

  “Mama,” Preston asked, coming to stand beside her and putting his hand on her shoulder, “can Daddy see us in heaven?”

  “I like to think he can, that he’s watching over us and making sure we’re happy.”

  “Is your daddy like a guardian angel?” Jayden asked coming up beside Preston who smiled at the question, as though he liked the idea. Jayden said, “I want my mom to be my guardian angel.”

  “Your mother loved you very much, little dude,” Dylan said, pulling the boy into a hug. “Aunt Amelia is always talking about Heaven and what a wonderful place it is. I’m sure your mother’s there and loving her new job as your guardian angel.” His throat tightened as he said the last words.

  “I’m hungry,” Beth whined.

  “I want pizza,” the Littles cried together and started dancing around.

  “Pizza,” Beth said, joining them.

  Rae handed Dylan a tissue and used one on her eyes, saying, “Life carries on.”

  “Sometimes it seems wrong, but that’
s true. Life does carry on.” He rose and extended a hand to help her to her feet.

  12

  Rae drove up to the restaurant, feeling a little weary. The summer was almost over, and school would start next week for Preston. She’d been doing this dating thing for months now. It hadn’t been a complete waste of time. She’d gotten to know a few guys who hadn’t minded having Dylan come along on group dates. And if she and he hadn’t gone on that first-date together, Cynthia and Ruben might not have met. They’d announced their engagement the week before.

  As much as Amelia’s interference was well meant, Rae hadn’t changed her mind. The dating thing wasn’t the kind of socializing she wanted to do. She’d been thinking more and more about taking an easy community education class. She might even check into what it took to teach one on cake decorating eventually—as long as it didn’t take too much time away from her family.

  Rae knew a lot of people who put up with their children, but she liked hers. Yes, they were young, and they sometimes got on her nerves, but she loved spending time with them.

  Her children were only going to be young for a few short years. She wanted to savor that time. Right now, they wanted her attention, needed it. In a few years, they’d start to pull away from her and have friends away from home. It’d been nine years since she’d graduated from high school, and those years had flown by. In nine more years, Preston would be fourteen.

  That had been her age when her mother had died. Rae rubbed her throat against the sudden lump there. What would happen if she developed a brain tumor too and died at the same age? Who would take care of her children?

  She couldn’t imagine her father wanting to take them, and she definitely didn’t want him responsible for meeting their emotional needs. He was too cold and aloof, too fixated on the law of justice and not enough on the law of mercy. Mike’s parents were wonderful people, but they were always traveling.

  After parking, Rae approached the restaurant where she and Tim Gallo had agreed to meet. She recognized him right away where he stood at the entrance, scanning the parking lot. He was tall and lanky, something not obvious from his online photo, but the receding hairline was the same. It might have been a temptation to alter his photo, but he hadn’t. That was a good sign.

  As soon as Tim noticed her, he grinned and waved. He strode toward her. “You must be Rae. I’m Tim. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.” He extended his hand.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.” She shook it.

  “You’re even prettier than your picture.” His ears went pink, like he hadn’t meant to say that, and he glanced back at the restaurant. “I thought I’d made a reservation, but I guess I forgot.”

  “They look busy,” Rae said, at first wary. When he nodded and shuffled his feet, she decided he must have really forgotten, and his embarrassment was genuine. “Don’t worry about it. With all the studying you’re doing for your bar exam, I’m not surprised you’d forget something.”

  “They’ll have an opening, but it’ll be at least an hour. We can try somewhere else, if you’d like.” Tim shoved his hands in his pockets. “It's totally my bad. If you want to reschedule for another day, I'll understand.”

  “We can go somewhere else,” Rae said. “It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.”

  “All right. Do you mind if we ride together? Or do you want to follow me?” Tim indicated a well-maintained but older model Toyota Corolla.

  Rae hesitated. Of all the guys she’d talked to online, she’d felt the best about him. She decided to ride with him but took a picture of his license plate which included the color and model of the car. After texting it to Dylan, she glanced up to find Tim watching her with a bemused grin.

  “You’re the first date I’ve agreed to ride with,” she said with a shrug, refusing to feel guilty. “It’s just a safety precaution.”

  “It’s a smart thing to do.” Tim opened the passenger door for her. “I should have thought of it myself when my sister was meeting guys on eRapport.”

  Rae liked that he hadn’t taken offense and felt better about riding with him. They ended up checking out several different restaurants before they settled on the Golden Arches.

  The dry and self-deprecating sense of humor Tim had shown in their online chats came through even stronger in person when his facial expressions and animated tone of voice made her laugh. He’d have made a fun stand-up comedian.

  She ordered a salad, and he got a big burger and some fries. They chatted while they ate, and it struck her that it was the most normal and natural date she’d been on since starting the crazy journey into online dating. For the first time, she felt a little hope that maybe the world wasn’t populated by men who were completely lacking in social skills. She’d heard of an emotional IQ. Was there a social one?

  “Have you ever heard of a social IQ?” she asked.

  Tim hurried to finish chewing and took a sip of his drink.

  “Yeah. It’s a big deal for lawyers.” He shot her a puzzled glance. “I hope you’re not asking because you think mine is low.”

  “No, not at all.” Rae explained what she’d been thinking.

  “I’ve had a somewhat similar experience, so it’s not limited to men only, believe me.” Tim chuckled. “To be honest there are studies that seem to indicate women, on average, tend to test higher with the social IQ tests than men. Statistically speaking, you’re more likely to meet a socially awkward man because there are more of us.”

  “Except you’re not awkward. It does make me wonder if schools should put more emphasis on developing interpersonal skills,” she said. “So many kids have their faces stuck in their phones they’re not learning how to interact with people in person.”

  “Considering some of the clueless people I’ve messaged, I think it’d be a good idea if they did something.” Tim pointed to her empty container. “Do you want me to take you back to your car, or would you like to do something else?”

  “It’s a little late for a movie.” Rae put her packaging on the tray, and he stood. “Did you have something else in mind?”

  “Well, it’s a beautiful night.” He picked up the trash, and they headed toward the garbage can near the door. “Have you ever seen the Sacramento Historic Rose Garden at the cemetery?”

  “A rose garden at the cemetery?” Rae asked, intrigued.

  “It’s pretty amazing. It was started about twenty years ago by a couple of rosarians. Those are people who cultivate roses, of course.” Tim grinned as he opened his car’s passenger door. “Like my grandmother. That’s how I found out about it.”

  Once they were in the car again, she said, “Tell me more about these cemetery roses.”

  “Well, the city’s historic cemetery had been neglected for a long time. You can check online and find pictures of how crumbling and bare it was. Anyway, these two rosarians were looking for a haven for their collection of antique heritage roses.”

  “Oh, I love the sound of this already,” Rae said. “I’ve heard antique roses have so much more fragrance.”

  “Just wait until you smell them. Anyway, they got the permission of the city to plant the roses in the cemetery. They have a growing cadre of volunteers and even work-furlough prisoners who maintain them.”

  “I can’t wait to see it,” she said.

  Their conversation stalled for the first time. It wasn’t necessarily awkward but not like the comfortable lulls with Dylan. She never felt a need to try to fill the silence when she was with him.

  “What kind of law will you practice when you pass the bar?” she finally asked.

  “I’d like to work in the public sector. I did my internship with the city.”

  “Did you work with the prosecutor?”

  “No, on the civil side of things. Cities have responsibilities in a lot of areas. We write agreements and also protect against unreasonable lawsuits.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “There are some people who look at a city as having ‘d
eep pockets’ and want ridiculous amounts for claims. Or they file frivolous lawsuits. Being sued is expensive to defend against, even when you’re not guilty. As wrong as it seems to settle, sometimes it’s less expensive than taking it to court to prove it.”

  “Is the city ever responsible?”

  “Sure. If a resident is injured because a city employee didn’t put back a water meter cover correctly and someone fell through it, then that’s the city’s fault. The victim should receive reasonable compensation. Or if the parks staff doesn’t maintain the playground equipment and a child is hurt, that’s the city’s bad and it should pay.”

  Rae thought about all the times she and the children had spent at the park last summer after Mike had died. She hadn’t been able to face going home after work to a house without him. She’d always assumed the equipment was safe to play on. What if one of them had been hurt?

  “Now you’ve made me paranoid,” she said. “I’m going to be worried about manholes and playground equipment whenever I take my kids to the park.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, though it’s not a bad idea to do a safety check. Now I sound like a total nerd.” Tim gave an embarrassed chuckle. “Tell me about your kids.”

  “Beth is two. Preston is almost five and starts school this fall.” Rae shook her head. “I can’t believe he’s that old already. They’re so different from each other. He’s very self-sufficient. It would never be a punishment to send him to his room.”

  “Because he entertains himself?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I was like that as a boy, so I understand. It took a lot for my mother to get me to go outside and play with the other kids,” Tim said. “So is your daughter a terror?”

  “No, just curious, but I have to watch her like a hawk.” Rae glanced at him. “Do you have any kids? It said in your bio you’ve been married before.”

  “I was married, but we didn’t have any kids. It didn't last long. We were young and stupid.”